If you have recently been through a divorce, you are probably experiencing a whole range of emotions. At times you will probably feel relief, but no matter the circumstances of your divorce, you will probably also feel angry, depressed, afraid, and lonely. Beginning a new life is always scary. If you are a single parent, you might feel even more confused and overwhelmed. However, it is important to remember that there are ways to get through this difficult experience. You will heal and grow as a person as a result of your divorce, even if it takes some time. If you are trying to move on from divorce, consider the following tips to help you through the process.
Accepting Your Emotions
The first step that you should take in getting over your divorce is accepting the range of emotions that you are feeling. It is normal to mourn the relationship, even if you were the one that wanted the divorce. And even if it was for the best, there are still things that you will miss from the relationship, and you might even find yourself second-guessing your decision. However, it is important to remember that you will move on from this experience.
Grieve and share your feelings with other people. Family and friends will help you through this period and help you to feel less alone. Isolating yourself will only increase your stress and make it harder for you to focus on important aspects of your life, such as your children and your job. By allowing your friends and family in, you will start to heal.
If you feel severely depressed or lost, do not hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists are trained to help people through radical life changes, and having professional help can get you back on track. It is also important to use this time to form new friendships and explore new interests. This is a process of rediscovering yourself. In order to make the best of the situation, don’t be afraid to try new things. You might find something new that you truly enjoy.
Understanding Your Finanacial Situation
Divorce isn’t just hard emotionally – it can also be difficult financially. You should get organized and understand your financial situation so as to avoid issues in the future. First, you should gather your financial information. What is your income? What expenses do you no longer have now that you are divorced? What new expensed do you have? Is your ex paying child support or alimony? Are you?
Once you have this information, you should make a realistic budget for yourself based on your new financial information. You should also evaluate your credit and debt in order to control it. Work on building your credit score if need be and do not accumulate debt.
Types of Relationships with Your Ex Spouse
The divorce is over, and you’re probably relieved. However, if you have children with your ex spouse, your relationship will probably never truly be over. At least, for the sake of your children, it shouldn’t be. You need to communicate with your ex spouse to ensure that both of you are remaining involved in your child’s life and that you establish good parenting techniques. There are a few different types of relationships that you could have with your ex spouse. I will explore them and which is best for your child in this post.
Option Number One
One type of relationship that you and your ex can have after divorce is that you two are still friends. You are still connected and talk frequently to discuss your lives. You feel comfortable asking your ex for advice and vice versa. In addition, you remain involved in your ex’s family’s life and are able to communicate well about your children. You share custody and even spend time together with your children, for example during special events or holidays.
This is a good option for your post divorce relationship with your spouse because you will clearly be able to put your children first and communicate about what is best for them. Be careful with this type of relationship, though, because it could give your children false hope. If they see you spending time together and constantly talking, they might think that you could get back together.
Option Number Two
Most divorced couples act more like colleagues than friends. If you fall into this category, you don’t really consider yourself to be friends with your ex, and you generally don’t spend time together (i.e. splitting up holidays), but you are still communicative about your children. If you fall into this category, you will put aside your personal issues with your ex and do whatever is best for your child. This is a good option because it establishes that the divorce is legitimate for your children while still allowing you to constantly do what is best for them.
Option Number Three
You might find yourself having a more difficult time keeping your anger over the divorce from spilling into your current life. You probably act in a hostile manner when dealing with your ex, but you can still communicate about your children at times.
Option Number Four
If you rarely interact with your spouse, you will fall into this category. Do you sometimes make attempts to talk to your ex, but find that you always end up fighting? Did you have a long, messy divorce that you still haven’t gotten past? If so, you probably fall into this category. If you are unable to speak to your spouse at all, you might also fall into this category.
Vacation After Divorce
Summer family vacations are always an exciting time, but when divorce is involved, vacations could get a little bit tricky. Will you still go to Disney World all together or will vacations now involve only one parent? How will the children take their first vacation with their newly separated family? Those answers are simply up to you. Depending on how you and your ex-spouse feel and act towards each other, it is perfectly acceptable to still vacation all together.
If your child or children are still very young, going places as a family can actually be quite enjoyable because you will be able to experience all of their “firsts” together. Although you and your ex are divorced, you both still have one thing in common, the love for your kids. Going on vacation as one big unit, no matter what is going on, will definitely make your children happy.
Not so interested in vacationing with your ex? You are now entitled to uninterrupted vacation time with your child by yourself. Although, before booking any vacation, it would be wise to clear the dates with your ex. Try to avoid planning any vacations during special events such as Father’s or Mother’s Day or even your ex’s birthday. Even if the court does not require it, always get permission from the other parent before planning anything. If possible, get that permission in writing and bring a copy of that with you on vacation.
Along with that, you should also bring a copy of your custody order just in case any problems arise. Depending on your custody order, you may need a co-parent’s signature to get your children passports if you are traveling out of the country. Some foreign country travel also requires a notarized letter giving permission for single parents to travel with their children in addition to a passport. Getting a document notarized is an easy process. You and your ex should go to a law office, bank, shipping store, car dealer, or several of other places. One of those places will employ someone who is a notary and signing a document in front of one of them simply just means that your signature is legitimate.
Once on your trip, always allow your child to have contact with the person not on the trip. Whether you set up a Skype account or make time for your child to use the phone, make sure there is a way for your child to reach their other parent. So if you are planning on vacationing as a single parent with your kids, then you are going to need to get a few documents.
Your Ex’s Family and the Holidays
When it comes to holidays, you might be stressed out over how to approach your ex’s family. You might feel uncomfortable and fear that your ex’s family dislikes you because of the divorce. Alternatively, you might dislike them and the way that they have treated you in the past. However, the holidays can be very pleasant and there is no need to stress out or worry.
You should consider your personal situation and what you feel comfortable with. Depending on how long your marriage lasted and how close you were with the family makes all the difference when it comes to the holidays. A simple holiday card cannot hurt especially if your children are in it. Your ex in-laws will not be angry at receiving a picture from you of your children and I am sure they will be proud to put that on their refrigerator and show their grandchildren off to anyone that comes into the house.
Helping Your Children Through the Holidays
Make the holidays a special time for your children. I know it might be hard to see eye to eye with your ex on most subjects, but try to focus on what is best for your children, not stressing over your ex and his or her family. Make time for your children to spend time with not only just you and your family, but with your ex and his or her family as well. Make the custody schedule around the holidays fair for both parent involved. If you are invited over your ex’s family’s house to celebrate an occasion, if you feel comfortable enough, try to go. Seeing both parents together can be very good for children of divorce, but only if you and your ex can remain civil throughout the whole party.
Make each and every holiday season special for your children. Do not focus on the negatives, but instead try to be civil with your ex and his or her family. Of course you may still feel bitter and upset about the divorce, but do not ruin your children’s time over it. Be fair and as courteous as you can be when it comes to your ex and his or her family during this time of the year.
Dating After Divorce
Immediately following your divorce, you should take some time to be single. Just like after any breakup, you need to rediscover who you are and what you want. You should explore your own interests, reconnect with friends and family, and take some time to understand what is truly important in your life. If you have children, you should also take some time to focus on them. Before you begin spending a lot of time away from them to date or bringing a new person into their lives, you should try to help them cope with the divorce, while giving yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship.
Don’t rush into a dating experience until you have truly gotten over your ex spouse. Dating before you are ready will only make the experience harder. As you cope with the changes that your divorce brings, you should try to reconnect with your single friends, or find friends that are single. Going out in a group of single people can help to boost your confidence and help you get used to meeting new people. There is no pressure on you in this situation, as you can choose to stay with your friends when you go out places, or mingle more with strangers who could be potential dates.
If you feel that you are ready to meet someone and you aren’t finding anyone when you go out with your friends, you can try the option of dating online. This is a great way to meet people in a casual environment. You can find people who have the same interests and goals as you before you even go out on a date. And dating online can help to boost your confidence and get you back in the mindset of dating with little pressure.
Integrating Families After Divorce
Consider the following tips for integrating your family with your new partner’s.
Get to know your future stepchildren before the marriage. Form a bond with these children while you and your partner are still dating. This will give you a good idea of how these children feel about you and how best to become an authority figure in their lives.
Plan your parenting technique before you get married. One reason why many marriages end is that the spouses have drastically different parenting philosophies. Perhaps your divorce was even rooted in this issue. For this reason, it is very important to discuss parenting techniques with your partner.
Make sure that both of you are on the same page when it comes to parenting. It is important to establish a united position when disciplining children. This is the only way that you will create a truly integrated family.
Take things slow. Making abrupt changes to routines can make your children uncomfortable or anxious. You should slowly integrate your families together. Don’t rush into marriage or living together in order to allow your children time to adjust.
Get used to real life. Going to the beach or taking a day trip out of town with your partner and children is a lot of fun, but this is not the way that your lives will operate on a regular basis. How will you react when your stepchild refuses to do his homework? Or when your stepchild begins fighting with his mother or father? Anticipate how you will react to these “real life” situations.
Don’t force it. Again, take your time. Don’t try to hard to impress your stepchildren and don’t put pressure on them to love you right away. It might take some time for you to develop a deep connection.
Dealing with Your Ex’s Remarriage
Don’t be negative: Learning of your spouse’s remarriage might come as quite a shock to you. However, you should refrain from making any negative comments about the marriage to your ex or your children. If possible, congratulate your ex. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, don’t say anything at all.
Mourn if you need to: Maybe you thought that you had accepted your divorce and moved on, but the news of your ex’s marriage has brought up old feelings. It is ok to mourn your marriage all over again. At this difficult time, you should consider confiding in friends or family members who can help you through this. If you find yourself seriously depressed for a long period of time, seek out a therapist to help you.
Foster your children’s relationship with your ex’s new spouse: This might be the last thing that you want to do, but you have to put your children first in this situation. Even if you do not particularly like or get along with your ex’s new spouse, your children will be spending a lot of time with them and need to know that it is ok to accept them into the family. Don’t badmouth your ex or their new spouse in front of your children or ask them to take sides.
Identify problems honestly: If you have a problem with your ex’s new spouse, honestly reflect on why this might be. Are you simply jealous or resentful? Or are there legitimate reasons why you dislike this person? Even if you do not get along with them, if they treat your children well that is what matters. However, if you think there are real warning signs there, you should consider gently discussing the issue with your ex.
Relocation After Divorce
In most situations parents share joint legal custody of the minor child, meaning they both have the right to make decisions that affect the child’s life. If the other parent to the child currently lives in the same state as the minor child and is accustomed to seeing the child on a frequent and/or regular basis, the court will require the relocating parent to show several elements as to why relocating is in both you and your child’s best interest. Expect your ex-spouse to object to your request to move.
Typically a hearing as to why you are considering moving with the child will be held if the parties cannot reach an agreement. The relocating parent must demonstrate that the move will somehow benefit you and the child, whether that be financial, family, schooling, or some other valid reason. Such benefit must outweigh the idea of staying where you currently live.
The key to relocating with children during or after a final divorce is receiving the Court’s approval. Courts generally do not want to remove a parent from a child’s life or make it more difficult for the other parent to see the child. You should consult an attorney prior to preparing to file for a relocation as there are many steps to overcoming such a burden. If you are serious about relocating, the relocation process should be handled thoroughly from the beginning.
Going Back to School after Divorce
A lot of people go back to school once their divorces are complete. If you’re interested, you might need help determining the right program for you. Consider the following options. If you never went to college or started but never finished, go back to the beginning. You should enroll in a Bachelor’s Degree program. A Bachelor’s Degree is essential to success in today’s job market. If you have been out-of-work for a long time and you need to get back out there, getting a Bachelor’s Degree first can improve your resume and lead to better job options. Consider taking classes online, night classes, or biting the bullet and becoming a full time student. If you need time to get back on your feet, your ex-spouse could pay rehabilitative spousal support to you while you take classes and look for a job.
If you already have a bachelor’s degree, but you want to increase your earning potential, you should look into getting a Master’s Degree. The Master’s Degree is becoming more and more important in today’s job market. For some jobs, the Master’s Degree is absolutely necessary. Master’s Degrees in programs like nursing or social work can greatly increase your earning potential once you complete your degree. If you are concerned about paying for college, you should consider enrolling in a community college.
Over the past few years, community colleges have seen an increase in enrollment. Many community colleges now offer four-year programs for a fraction of the cost of traditional colleges. Another option is saving money by taking core classes at a community college and then transferring your credits to a more reputable, but undoubtedly more expensive, college.
Preparing for a Job Interview After Divorce
For nearly everyone, divorce means a change to your lifestyle and routine. For some, these changes are small. It might mean moving out of your home or dividing assets. But, for other people, custody issues and financial issues can lead to big changes in divorce. If you were a stay-at-home parent who has recently gone through a divorce, you will likely have to start working again. Finding a job or taking on a second job can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially if you have been out of the work force for a while. But, there are ways that you can prepare for your job interviews and improve your chances of getting a job. Here, you can find some tips to help you do this.
Update your skill set. Times have changed, and they are continuing to change at a rapid pace. If you have been out of the work force for a significant period of time, you should consider updating your skill set before you go out to find a job. Taking a computer literacy class, a business class, or a coding class can update your skill set and make you a more valuable employee. There are many free or cheap course that you can take online, or you can enroll in a program at a local college. In the short term, you might be concerned about spending money on more education, but this is an investment. In the long run, it will help you to become more employable and earn more money.
Update your resume. Make sure that your skills and previous jobs are available on your resume. This will give future employers a good idea of what you bring to their company. For assistance with your resume, you can hire a professional or look at templates online.
Apply for jobs that you are qualified for. The job search can be daunting. You will be most successful if you look for jobs that you are passionate about and qualified for. This will increase your chances of getting the job.
The Interview Process
Interviewing for jobs can be a stressful process. To navigate this process more easily, consider these tips.
Prepare beforehand. Do some research about the company that you are applying with. Have some questions prepared in the event that you are asked to provide questions. Also get comfortable talking about your qualifications and what you will bring to the company. This can be done by practicing beforehand. While you won’t be able to think of every potential question thrown your way, you can still prepare for some of the most obvious questions that might be asked during an interview.
Dress the part. Make sure that you have formal business attire to wear to the interview. It is better to be overdressed than underdressed at an interview. Dressing appropriately will help you make a good first impression. In addition, it will give you confidence going into your interview.
Arrive early. Get to the interview a few minutes early. This will show initiative to the company you are applying with. In addition, it will give you a few minutes to prepare yourself for the interview.
Be honest. Don’t try to oversell yourself during the interview. You should answer questions simply and honestly. It won’t look good to lie about your qualifications just to get the job. Eventually, these lies will catch up with you.
Be respectful. Don’t engage in negative debates with your interviewer. Always remain polite and respectful.